“It all started probably when I was a small child. My mom was depressed and my dad was schizophrenic. My parents got divorced when I was around four because he was becoming crazier and crazier. It’s hard growing up with a parent with a mental disease. He used to make me take my clothes off, “we were born naked”, he said, and then pushed me out of the apartment and locked the door. I was naked, banging on the door, screaming… I was eight, nine maybe. Old enough to understand that it was embarrassing to be naked on the fucking staircase. Only one time he opened the door, the others my brother did.
I was very close to my brother; he pretty much raised me. He made sure that I didn’t fucking die.
Oscar. He was probably the smartest person I have ever known in my entire life, a fucking genius. And what I still hate is that my mother loved him so much more. Not because he was better, but because they were pretty much the same person. Really intelligent, really sensitive and kind of selfish too.
And then he left me, so fuck him. I hate him for that, I don’t care how tormented he was. It’s not fair.
I don’t feel responsible, I just feel like I want to hurt myself. I have always reacted to sorrow with anger and mostly anger directed on myself. Because I am so angry about how sad I am, and turning my emotions into physical pain makes them easier to deal with. But I hate myself. Or I hate being fat. I am fat for a girl. I keep seeing myself as fat. I keep seeing I have a huge nose. And people always tell me I have a small nose and that I’m skinny, so I guess it’s all in my head. Still, I have two reminders on my phone that every single day tell me to starve to death.
I did therapy twice in my life; I got diagnosed with severe depression.
I feel my emotions extremely strongly: if I’m happy about something I will laugh about it, because I am happy. But, if I’m sad I really feel like the world is ending and I have to kill myself.
…I didn’t ask much. I just wanted to have a family….”
Yrsa was born in Malmö, Sweden in 1994
According to the World Health Organization (WHO) depression is a common mental disorder, characterized by sadness, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, feelings of tiredness, and poor concentration.
At least 350 million people live with depression worldwide. It affects not only the person suffering it, but their loved ones too. It is treatable, but most of the patients do not receive the care and support they need. It can be long-lasting or recurrent, substantially impairing an individual´s ability to function at work or school or cope with daily life.
It often starts at a young age and affects women more commonly than men. When mild, people can be treated without medicines, but when is moderate or severe they may need medication and therapy.
At its most severe it can lead to suicide.
Almost one million people take their own lives each year. For every person that commits suicide, there are twenty who will make an attempt.